"We need to talk"

Having a conversation about the need for extended care is in the best interest of the entire family.  Because the need for extended care is a challenging topic to discuss, some people might need more time to think and reflect on it than others.  Asking permission assures your loved one that you will respect his or her wishes and honor them.  Some ways of asking permission are:

- "There is something very important to me that I would like to speak with you about.  I'd like to talk about your wishes and desires for the time when your health requires more care than you or I can provide at home."

- "I would like to speak with you about the options and benefits of extended care.  I don't want to alarm you, but it will make me feel better if I know your wishes when it comes to your health in the future."

Though not always possible, the involvement of the resident in selecting an extended care facility can make a critical difference in the final adjustment. If able, your loved one should have input into choosing an extended care facility that fits his or her personal style of living.

He or she should also have the opportunity to speak with the admissions director or administrator.  Your loved one may have questions regarding care that family members may not be able to answer.

As far in advance as you can, begin planning for the move. To the extent possible, plan the move with the help and participation of your loved one. Remember, the professionally trained staff understands your concerns and is eager to help you make this period as calm and positive as possible.